i'm back peeps

so its been a while since i've written....and i am disappointing some of my fans haha.  see, i really stop writing as a test...then i know who's actually reading this :)  in truth though its just been a difficult month.  my grandma passing has really hit me hard and i'm having a tough time with it.  honestly, these last couple weeks have really been a blur.  and this week i just hit some kind of wall with everything else.  have you ever felt like going postal, burning your house down, and then jumping off a cliff all at the same time????  well thats kind of how i felt this week.  its just one of those moments in life when everything hits you at the same time.  those who know me the best know i have lots of issues with death, not that anyone doesn't, but it gives me anxiety attacks.  unfortunately i have had to dig in to my xanax a few times to get through these last two weeks.  the tri-training is definitely starting to wear on me, i hit a high note with the y-tri, and i don't know if its because of the emotional blow with losing my grandma, but every workout the last couple of weeks is such an effort.  i'm sick of it in a way, don't want to go to the gym.  i miss regular working out, mixing up the workouts, a kickboxing class here and there.  i think part of it is that the workouts are tough on me due to my weight.  my cardiovascular fitness is much improved,  but the longer i run, the more my knees hurt when i'm done.  i just have to work out so hard every time, no easy days, and its wearing on me.  not trying to be complainy, just being honest.  and then there's all this other shit going on which i'm not even going to get into, but like i said its like everything happens at once!  i just need to get my head screwed back on right again.  going on vaca in 10 days so maybe that'll help!  i full well plan to keep up with my workouts, and not go crazy with the eating.  but vaca is always good for the head.  


so i've been doing my best keeping up with the workouts, even though for whatever reason i'm enjoying them less right now.  i'm sure that will change, and that even the best athletes in the world get sick of their training routines.   its all mental.  also, i did weigh myself this AM, after having a rough afternoon/evening with some major stomach issues, i have lost 21 lbs haha.  i hope those last couple stick since they came off not by choice!  i'm hoping to get to the gym today at some point, depending on how i'm feeling.  we shall see.  thanks to those still reading and sticking with me :)