up super early again! a little after 5 today which is just pure insanity. abby got up to pee, but came in my room first to give me a kiss, tell me she loves me and to sleep tight. super sweet, i love her dearly. but after she wakes me up, i realize i have to pee, and then i am too awake. i just couldn't fall back asleep. and these mother f'n birds are just chirping away. i know people like that, hearing the little birdies chirping in the morning, but i just want to shoot them right out of the damn trees. however i will say it does look very pretty outside, sun is coming up, blue sky, quiet and peaceful. i can see why some are morning people. there really isn't any other time of the day thats like this. maybe my body is telling me i should be a morning person. who knows!
so this really has been a crap week for me with my eating/training. i haven't done anything i said i was going to do, like writing stuff down, kick things up a notch, blah blah blah. i need someone to kick my ass. can i sit here and make excuses? of course. wanna hear 'em? probably not, but you've already started reading so you might as well continue haha. yesterday i had a whole plan, spin in the AM cuz i haven't done it in a while, and its more fun than the stationary bike, but abby slept until 10 so i missed the class. and i didn't want to go to the gym late, cuz i had very important beach plans, and had to be back for abby's t-ball game, which ran late so it was too late to work out after.....yeah, sounds like someone with her priorities straight! couldn't go to the gym late cuz i didn't want to get to the beach late and spend less time there. so its thursday, and all i've done this week (other than the 5k) is a 40 min bike ride on monday, and 40 min swim on tuesday. that's just not gonna cut it.
ok, on to the eating. i'm pretty sure i've figured that out. another excuse, yes. but an issue i am now seriously thinking i need to obtain professional assistance for. so....today was my due date. i obviously knew it was coming, if the baby was actually born today, would've been his/her first bday. so not the best day for me. i thought about it over the weekend, told myself to just let it go, i can't keep getting upset every year at this time. ha. fat chance. anyways, don't really want to re-hash this whole thing but all i will say is that its upsetting to me that i get all thrown for a loop still when i'm having some emotional shit going on. i have a book, about emotional eating. maybe i should actually read it. i have a book about moving on after the loss of a baby. maybe i should read that too. while i do like self-help books, they're just hard to read. not entertaining, remind you of your crap, not fun in the least. but i should just read them and get it over with and see if they help.
ok, so i'm not going to make any big proclamations today. just going to try and get through the day, eat well and get a good workout in. and maybe open one of those books.
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