bad girl

ugh up early once again.  you'd think with all the exercise i'd sleep like a baby.  other than those few days i wasn't feeling well i can hardly sleep past 6:30 anymore!  it sucks!!!  yeah, i know some of you are up that early every day, but when you have a kid that sleeps until at least 8 every morning and i have absolutely no reason to get up it really blows.  oh well!  i probably should get my ass outta bed and do something but i just lay here and pout that i'm not sleeping haha.  anyways, yesterday was not the day i was hoping for.  went to the gym later in the day before abby's swim lesson, and planned on doing a longer bike ride and some weights after that.  but i got to the gym, went into denise's office to make our appt for this week, and ended up talking to her about the race for like 20 mins, so then i only had time to ride the bike for like 40 mins, and no weights.  i could've done more during her swim lesson, but i like to watch her, and they were also testing so i wanted to see how she was doing.  (she did great :))  but i did get a semi-decent ride in that short amount of time, just upped the level so it would be harder.  then my neighbor texted me at 9:15 last night to go for a walk, and we went out for about an hour so at least i got a little more exercise in.  better than nothing!  

and i guess i have to be honest here, although i'm embarrassed to admit it, i jumped at the chance to go walking with her because i am having the hardest time with eating!!  not so much regular food, but with sweets!!  which is strange for me because usually its the food i want more of.  but lately i want a damn package of cookies after every meal!  i do like a little sweet after lunch or dinner, sometimes both, but i can have like 2 hershey's miniatures, or something small like that, get the taste, and be completely satisfied.  omg, yesterday, after dinner, i had a pack of 100 calorie chocolate graham crackers, a handful of those mini-non-pareils, and then 4 small chips ahoy cookies.  i NEVER do that, so  wtf is going on with me????  and i know its so bad but i do it anyway!!  grrrrrr.  i gotta cut that shit out.  and no, its not my "time" either.  so i have decided to go back to writing down what i eat every day so i can stay accountable.  i swear, i am the most self-sabotaging person ever!  its aggravating, i'm like in a war with myself.  hopefully its just some weird phase my body is going through.  today is a swim day, and then i'll probably do the weights after that since i didn't do them yesterday.  and keep my sudden over-active sweet tooth in check!!